Flower Motif drawn years ago.
This week has been so frustrating. I feel like I can’t get anything I’m working on to do what I want it to do. It’s all too dark, too light, too wet, wrong color, messy, sloppy, and pointless. Insert a scene here of me throwing paints, brushes and paper around the house in an over the top dramatic style before collapsing upon my bed in a heap of tears.
Okay – just kidding about the dramatics. This frustration though, I’m sure it’s part of the natural creative cycle, but that doesn’t make me feel any better at the moment.
In some ways I really miss the way it was years ago when I was a teen practicing art. It was so easy to be proud of almost any mark I could make. Some of the worst drawings, by my standards today, were my favorites long ago. Perhaps as a teen you still hold on to the whole “Look what I made Mommy” experience.
Ack!
Okay so to be honest, not everything from that period was awful and I find those old sketchbooks to be a nice little source of inspiration – but this isn’t helping my argument, so let’s just glaze over this point for now. Back to the pity party.
Old Doodles on Red Paper
“Finding Art Again” was all fine and dandy until the honeymoon was over and the work began. Now the doubt sneaks in and I find myself wondering if I should continue. This is where I failed the last time – 15 or so years ago – when I decided to take the less creative, more practical path. In some aspects of my life, that decision served my physical being well, but the soul suffered.
I’m determined to continue though. I’m determined to break through this wall that presents itself to me so quickly. I don’t care how many substandard horrible pieces I have to paint. Deep down I know there is something good in there somewhere. I must find it.
Much of my inspiration these days comes from being able to post stuff online. It is a motivating factor. I was asked “Why do you bother” and I could only reply that I get a kick out of it. The internet is great for kicks. It’s great for promoting yourself. Shouting into the ether, whether someone is listening or not, can be very satisfying.
This morning I snapped a few pictures of my work-space on the way out. I’m currently working in the dining area on a table that has been in my family since the seventies. I took over the space, but it’s all easily stored away if need be. I could be working on the actual art table I purchased years ago – but that has somehow become my computer desk.
The "New" Dining Room Table
Another shot of the Table
My trusty palate(s) of color
I’m in the final stages of the current mess of paintings I started. The pumpkins are okay, but I may have wanted more in the background. Perhaps I’ll figure it out soon. The super-pink flowers were an attempt to stop being so light with my paint. I took a deep staining paint and just went for it. On one hand I’m excited that there is so much color, on the other, the execution and detail is lacking. It would make a great fabric for bathing suits or tropical shirts. I’m so sure.
Recent Work in Progress